Musings of the Misguided: Smart one dumb one

Today I had an appointment with my mental health case manager. She had a power nap half way through. No I am not even close to shitting you. If it hadn't been at my house I would have considered walking out. Chances are I wouldn't. I don't always have the fire I should in life. Today is one of those days.

My loss of fire is one of the things that worries me most. I wonder if I am too medicated but then I remember that maybe a little too much fire is a bad thing. Major man has commented a couple of times that I don't seem to have the same amount of pizzazz as I used to. This is the first time that I have consistently been on sedatives since being with him. I used to be on seroquel but didn't take it often enough to be any use. Or when I did take it, it would knock me out for days at a time. I once slept through his son punching holes in the wall just outside his bedroom.

I feel 'safe' taking all of the medication I do. I have a lot of faith in medication....until I don't. I swing from one train of thought to the other. I either love it or hate it. Welcome to the world of borderline. Although I have started to wonder if it wasn't just a label put on me because I was self harming and wasn't fitting into any other category. I fit some of the symptoms now but not enough for a diagnosis. While sometimes it's nice to be known for more than just a label sometimes it is also nice to know what the fuck is going on. Having a name to put to it, sometimes just makes that seem easier.

Labels: case manager, medication, mental illness, passionless

Smart one dumb one

Musings of the Misguided

Wednesday 3 August 2011

Smart one dumb one

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